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Never Dated at 30: You’re Not Alone

It’s not uncommon to feel like you’re the only one your age who has never dated before. Trust us, you’re not alone. In fact, there are plenty of people in their 30s who have never been in a relationship or gone on a date. And that’s perfectly okay!

The good news is that there’s no right or wrong way to approach dating, and there’s no set age when you should start. Some people find themselves ready to date earlier than others, and that’s totally okay. Everyone is different and will approach dating when they’re feeling ready.

If you’re in your 30s and have never dated before, don’t worry! There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s easy to look at other people’s relationships and compare yourself to them.

You might wonder “why not me”? Why do they have someone special and I don’t? But remember, everyone’s journey is different. Just because you haven’t dated before doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.

So if you’re in your 30s and have never dated, don’t fret! You’re not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you.

Am I The Only One That’s Never Dated at 30?

No, you’re not the only one that’s never dated at 30. In fact, there are plenty of people in their 30s who have never been in a relationship or gone on a date. And that’s perfectly okay! The important thing is that there’s no right or wrong way to approach dating, and there’s no set age when you should start.

Some people find themselves ready to date earlier than others, and that’s totally okay. Some people start dating in high school, some start in college, and some start in their late 20s or later in adulthood. Everyone is different and will approach dating when they’re feeling ready.

Society tends to make us feel like there’s a natural progression to relationships that we must follow. These societal norms can make it seem like there is something wrong with us if we are not part of a romantic pair or have never had any long term relationships.

But the truth is, there is no right or wrong way to date. Some people find themselves ready to date earlier than others, and that’s totally okay. Everyone is different and will approach dating when they’re feeling ready.

Some people want to spend more time focusing on themselves before entering into a romantic relationship. Others may find it taxing to keep up with another person. And more still, others may simply have no desire to fall into a traditional relationship.

There’s nothing wrong with any of these reasons! They are all valid and perfectly good reasons to not date in your early 30s. 

Whether you’re looking to get more dating experience, or want a more serious relationship, it’s not too late. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to date. You will approach dating when you’re feeling ready, and that’s perfectly okay.

Societal Pressure To Be in a Relationship

Why does society pressure us to be in a relationship? There are a number of reasons.

One reason may be that we see relationships as a natural progression in life. We tend to think that once we reach a certain age, we should be in a relationship or working towards one, and any single status is “bad.”

Another reason may be that we compare ourselves to others. When we see our friends or family members in happy relationships, it’s easy to wonder why not us?

We all know how much we see on social media! It’s hard not to compare. But real life doesn’t happen on screens, so it’s a good idea to take a step back if you’re starting to feel pressure from social media.

It’s important to remember that everyone’s journey is different. Just because you haven’t dated before doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.

Photo by Olivia Bush Photography

Where to find potential partners:

One of the first steps to being in a relationship is meeting people. There are plenty of ways to meet potential partners, even if you’ve never dated before. The idea of a first date can be intimidating, especially if you have social anxiety, and it can be hard to dip your toes into the dating scene.

But, there are many different ways to meet people! Here are a few ideas:

-Join a club or group: Joining a club or group is a great way to meet new people who share your interests. This can be anything from a book club to a cooking class to a sports team.

-Attend events: There are always events happening in your local community, and many of them are open to the public. Attending events is a great way to meet new people in a relaxed setting.

-Try online dating: Online dating can be a great way to meet potential partners, and it’s especially convenient if you’re shy or have a busy schedule. There are plenty of reputable dating sites and apps out there, so you can choose the one that’s right for you.

-Ask friends and family: Friends and family members are often a great resource when it comes to finding potential partners. They may know someone who would be perfect for you, and they can help you get introduced. Maybe your best friend has a good friend from work who is single, or maybe they’ve made new friends and want to include you in their socializing. You never know what might happen!

-Try speed dating: Speed dating is a fun and easy way to meet potential partners in a short amount of time. You’ll have the chance to chat with several different people and see if there’s a connection. Just remember, you’re not about to spend your entire life with them, just two minutes at a time to see if anyone clicks. Don’t stress!

– Go out and socialize: Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and socialize! Whether you’re going to a party or just out to a bar or club, you never know who you’ll meet. So go out and have a great time, and you may just meet someone special.

Dating can be a fun and exciting experience, even if you’re approaching it for the first time in your 30s. There are plenty of ways to meet potential partners, so don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and explore all your options. And remember, there’s nothing wrong with being single, or feeling like you’re a late bloomer. The good thing is that there is no timeline on love!

Why Is It Harder To Meet People In Your 30s?

There are a few reasons why it can be harder to meet people in your 30s. For one, many people’s social circles tend to shrink as they get older. The dating landscape shrinks somewhat.

This is because people usually marry and have kids in their 20s, so they don’t have as much time to socialize with other single friends. Additionally, many people work long hours and have less free time to go out and meet new people.

Another reason it can be harder to meet people in your 30s is that many people start to settle down and focus on their careers and personal lives. This can make it difficult to find time to date or meet new people. Additionally, some people in their 30s may feel like they’ve already missed their chance to find love, so they may not be as open to meeting new people.

Despite the challenges, it’s still possible to meet someone special in your 30s. You just have to be willing to put yourself out there and explore all your options.

 Whether you try online dating, speed dating, or simply go out and socialize more, you’ll increase your chances of meeting someone special. And remember, there’s nothing wrong with being single! So embrace your singledom and enjoy it. Who knows, you may just meet someone special along the way.

When You Want To Be In a Relationship But Are Not

It can be frustrating to want to be in a relationship but not be able to find one. There are a few reasons why this may be the case:

-You’re not putting yourself out there: If you’re not actively meeting new people, it’s unlikely that you’ll find someone to date. You need to put yourself out there and be open to meeting new people if you want to find a relationship. You have to live life to have a love life.

-You’re too picky: It’s important to be selective when choosing a partner, but being too picky can make it difficult to find someone. If you have a long list of requirements for a potential partner, you may be narrowing your options too much. Be careful of having unrealistic expectations.

-You’re not looking in the right places: If you want to find a relationship, you need to look in places where people are looking for relationships. This may include online dating sites or apps, speed dating events, or social events specifically for singles.

-You’re not ready for a relationship: It’s important to be honest with yourself about whether you’re really ready for a relationship. If you’re not, it’s better to wait until you are before trying to date. And if you’re not ready, that’s totally fine!

Just remember that there is nothing wrong with you! Relationships happen at all different paces. You may just need to keep trying until you find the right person for you. It can take a long time, but when you meet the right person, it’s worth it.

Photo by Lindsay of Price Life Photography

How To Meet People If You’re Shy

If you’re shy, meeting new people can be a challenge, especially as a single person. But there are a few things you can do to make it easier:

-Put yourself in social situations: Go to places where there will be other people, even if you don’t know anyone there. This can help you get used to being around people and make it easier to start a conversation.

-Practice talking to people: Talk to people you know, even if it’s just small talk. This can help you get more comfortable talking to people in general.

Start with online dating: Online dating can be a great way to meet people without having to put yourself in social situations. You can start by messaging people on dating sites or dating apps, and you can progress to meeting in person when you’re more comfortable.

-Join a club or group: Joining a club or group can help you meet people with similar interests. This can make it easier to start a conversation and find things to talk about.

Remember, everyone feels shy sometimes. So don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re feeling a little nervous. Just take your time and you’ll eventually feel more comfortable meeting new people.

 Lots of people feel this way, too. You’re not the only one! If you still are feeling nervous, chat with female friends who have been in a similar situation but are now in a relationship. They might have some insight to ease your mind.

In conclusion, it’s important to remember that there is nothing wrong with being single.

You can still meet someone special, even if it takes a little longer than you’d like. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, it’s out there!J ust be willing to put yourself out there and explore all your options. And most importantly, don’t give up! There are a lot of people out there looking for love.

About the Author

The GenThirty Team is a collaborative team of writers and creatives behind


Thursday 27th of April 2023

I'm 30 (F) and I've never had a boyfriend and I've never been on a date. I have literally zero experience. I never had a first kiss, I'm still a virgin, etc.

Men are just not interested in me and they never have been. I can probably count on one hand the number of times in my life I've received that kind of attention, and they've all been inappropriate or because the man has wanted something off me, and I don't even mean sexually, but something strictly platonic like a work/university favour. I'm not remotely physically attractive or sociable. I've never been 'girly' and into dressing up and makeup, I have mild autism. When I say I'm not physically attractive, I mean it, I'm not some average chick with self-esteem issues, I'm overweight and I suffer from PCOS, which includes hirsutism as a symptom, even though I try to keep it under control. When I was a teen (and thin) I'd get bullied for "looking like a man." I've been randomly told I look like a bit like [insert male celebrity/fictional character with long hair] which is obviously not a compliment. What would hurt me the most is the person saying it wouldn't even be intending to be hurtful.

I used to get crushes in my teens and 20s, but they'd never go anywhere. As silly as it sounds, those rejections still hurt me to this day. Befriending a guy at college when I was 18 and thinking we got along so well and hoping to keep up a friendship after the year was over, only for him to randomly defriend and block me on Facebook. Another guy reacting with indifferences when I confessed my feelings, only to find out from a mutual friend that I "disgusted him", the sudden shift in tone from flirty to disinterest when I'd share my pic with some guy I was chatting with online that I'd meet through a forum or whatever, before quietly being blocked. I just stopped bothering.

I used to 'window shop' on dating sites/apps and daydream about what it'd be like to date guys on there based on the really limited information I knew about them. I know this is immoral but I admit I even catfished occasionally by using some other woman's pics, just because I enjoyed exchanging flirty and friendly messages with men, talking about our interests, etc, but I would stop after a few days. It was just nice to have the illusion of a developing relationship. I've never had the confidence to try online dating properly myself. I know that is a me problem, but I hate the way I look.

I don't think I have high standards. I certainly don't expect a male model, I'd like someone close in age to me but would happily date someone aged about 24-45(ish), I don't care about income or formal education level. Just someone who's kind, shares my interests, is kind to animals, etc.

I crave physical affection from the opposite sex. The only time I've got it is from gay men who were obviously just being friendly/drunk. Ironically, the only men (outside the family) in my life that have come close to treating me like that or been protective of me have been gay. It's not that I'm mistreated by straight men, that's rarely happened since I left secondary school, it's just that I'm practically invisible to them. I find it difficult to make straight male friends even. It's easier for me to befriend women.

I don't think I will meet someone. I'm not going to get any more attractive with age and my personality isn't going to change. If it weren't for close family, I think I'd strongly consider suicide.


Monday 6th of February 2023

I’m 48 and still a virgin. I have no idea how unusual this situation is but I feel a sense of shame, and I feet stigmatized. I am a very shy and anxious person, but not isolated. I have always had woman friends but have never been able to translate that into intimate relationships with those I feel attracted to. This was the case in high school, but I never made the kind of move that most other guys make on women they ‘like’ because I simply wasn’t able to. By the time I reached university, my pattern was set – not having relationships is what I have come to expect. No woman has ever expressed sexual interest in me and I believe that no woman will do so.

The fact is, as a guy, if you go through your late teens and early 20s never going out with women, you don’t have any evidence that women could ‘like’ you based on one or more girlfriends. You see women showing interest in other guys and not even knowing you exist. Having zero experience – and observing other guys gaining it – deepens and reinforces a guy’s sense that he is unattractive at a basic level. I have never raised this subject with my friends and when they have with me, I don’t engage because I do not believe there is any way to overcome the fact that I am obviously unattractive on a sexual level. I do not take to the ‘fake it until you make it’ approach – I see it as unauthentic self-delusion – living a lie.

It may not be true that society ‘judges’ people for not having sex. But anything outside what is at least perceived to be ‘normal’ is liable to be viewed as deviant in some way. For guys, there’s a strong cultural investment in “success” with women. Popular songs, films, and coming-of-age movies often centre on early relationships as milestones of normal development – it’s a cultural “thing” about becoming a man. Although I am not interested in popular culture – my hobbies are elsewhere- this has deepened my sense of shame. My friends have all had sexual relationships of varying durations from about the age of 17-18 onwards. I have always watched from the sidelines while others relate intimately, and I have felt lonely as a result. This is not about sex in particular, but about intimacy in general.

Other than shaking hands or other public physical greetings, I have not been touched by a human being or held by anyone in over 15 years. I have no living family so physical contact for me seems out of bounds. It has gotten to the point that when I am attracted to a woman, I don’t feel excitement or pleasure, but react with sadness because it’s a fact that she could never be attracted to me.


Sunday 30th of October 2022

While I agree that there nothing inherently wrong with being single at thirty, for some of us there is no chance of meeting anyone who would be attracted to us other than as a friend. I’m considerably past my 30s (54) and despite trying for decades to “put myself out there”, literally not one woman has shown the slightest romantic / sexual interest in me. I take this to be conclusive evidence that I am fundamentally unattractive on those levels and have stopped trying - it’s not worth the effort. Most people can be attractive to someone - some of us are not and cannot be.